![What to Say/Not to Say](images/what_to_say_heading.png)
SILENCE
"Listening is not just etiquette. It's a way of loving, honoring and respecting others. Listening is a way of bonding and connecting. It's a way of sharing ourselves and our humanity."
~~ From the book "One."
What to Say
- "Can you tell me what happened?"
- "I’m so sorry."
- "This must be difficult for you."
- "I don’t know what to say."
- "Everyone grieves differently."
- "It’s normal to feel____________under these circumstances."
- "It’s OK to feel____________."
What Not to Say
- "I know how you feel."
- "Don’t feel____________."
- "It will be better tomorrow."
- "You can always rebuild."
- "At least you’re not hurt."
- "What you need to do is____________."
- "Don’t cry."
- "He’s out of his pain."
- "He’s in a better place."
- "Calm down."
Summary
- Speak with the survivor in brief sentences. Don’t go on and on.
- If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
- Don’t say things that attempt to "make things better" or that try to lessen the survivors pain.
- Use tentative words like
- "Perhaps"
- "Maybe"
- "You might"
- "Have you considered____________?"
- Don’t use words like...
- "You should...."
- "I want you to..."
- "If I were you..."
- "Don’t____________."
- "The best thing for you to do is..."