SILENCE

"Listening is not just etiquette. It's a way of loving, honoring and respecting others. Listening is a way of bonding and connecting. It's a way of sharing ourselves and our humanity."
  ~~ From the book "One."

What to Say

• "Can you tell me what happened?"
• "I’m so sorry."
• "This must be difficult for you."
• "I don’t know what to say."
• "Everyone grieves differently."
• "It’s normal to feel____________under these circumstances."
• "It’s OK to feel____________."

What Not to Say

• "I know how you feel."
• "Don’t feel____________."
• "It will be better tomorrow."
• "You can always rebuild."
• "At least you’re not hurt."
• "What you need to do is____________."
• "Don’t cry."
• "He’s out of his pain."
• "He’s in a better place."
• "Calm down."

Summary

• Speak with the survivor in brief sentences. Don’t go on and on.
• If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
• Don’t say things that attempt to "make things better" or that try to lessen the survivors pain.
• Use tentative words like
  • "Perhaps"
  • "Maybe"
  • "You might"
  • "Have you considered____________?"
• Don’t use words like...
  • "You should...."
  • "I want you to..."
  • "If I were you..."
  • "Don’t____________."
  • "The best thing for you to do is..."