Emotional First Aid

Emotional First Aid: The 5 Core Skills

When a tragedy strikes, survivors are plunged into what we call The Horrible Hours—a time of shock, disorientation, and emotional overwhelm. The following five Emotional First Aid (EFA) skills can help you provide calm, compassionate support during those critical first moments.

🔹 Quick Summary of the 5 EFA Skills

1. Reaching Out
   Make contact and establish a human connection with someone in shock.

2. Acknowledging the Survivor’s Plight
   Validate the survivor’s experience without judgment, advice, or minimizing.

3. Normalizing
   Help survivors understand that their reactions are common and expected after tragedy.

4. Expanding the Survivor’s Story
   Gently explore the full picture of what happened, especially if guilt is present.

5. Redirecting
   Guide survivors away from impulsive or dangerous actions with compassion and alternatives.

Skill #1: Reaching Out

Goal: To make contact and establish rapport so the survivor feels seen, heard, and not alone.

How to Reach Out:

• Be a Caring Presence. Quietly sit or stand with the survivor without pressure to talk.

• Scan for Forgotten Victims. Look for people who might be overlooked—children, witnesses, or those standing back.

• Don’t wait to be approached. Gently introduce yourself and offer support.

Skill #2: Acknowledge the Survivor’s Plight

Goal: To help survivors feel accepted and validated in their pain.

How to Acknowledge:

• Ask: "Tell me what happened."

• Listen quietly, then reflect what you hear:
  "It sounds like you’re feeling..."

• Don’t minimize or dismiss their feelings.

Avoid phrases like:

• "At least you’re okay."

• "You’ll feel better tomorrow."

• "It wasn’t your fault."

Instead, allow space for their truth—no matter how messy or raw.

Skill #3: Normalize

Goal: To reduce fear and self-doubt by assuring the survivor their reactions are understandable and typical.

How to Normalize:

• If someone asks: "Why do I feel this way?"
  Say: "It’s very normal to feel that after something like this."

• If a loved one seems unresponsive:
  Say: "Numbness or silence is a common first response."

This helps survivors feel less “crazy” and more human.

Skill #4: Expand the Survivor’s Story

Goal: To help survivors widen their view of what happened, especially if they're stuck in guilt or self-blame.

How to Expand the Story:

• Ask open-ended questions:
  "Can you walk me through what happened?"

• Reflect back compassionately:
  "You sound like you did everything you could."

• Gently highlight parts of the bigger picture:
  "You made sure he wasn’t alone."

You’re not “fixing” guilt, you’re helping them find perspective.

Skill #5: Redirect

Goal: To prevent impulsive or unsafe actions without arguing, ordering, or invalidating.

How to Redirect:

• Acknowledge their impulse:
  "I understand you want to be with him."

• Then offer a meaningful alternative:
  "Right now, your daughter needs you here."

Don’t say: "Don’t do that." Instead, guide them toward what will help.

Supporting Skills

🌀 The Fine Art of Hanging Around

When someone says “I’m fine,” don’t automatically leave. Stick around gently:

• "How about I stay until your friend gets here?"

• "I’ll wait just outside the room if that’s better for you."

Being quietly available often opens the door to deeper support.

💙 A Caring Demeanor

Your calming, humble presence is more important than anything you say.

• Use a soft tone, eye contact, light touch.

• Be present, not overpowering.

• Think: “museum voice,” not “manager voice.”

🌱 Recognize the Survivor’s Source of Strength

Survivors often find solace in their faith, family, routines, or personal objects.

• Listen for what brings them comfort.

• Support it, even if it seems small.

• Be an advocate if they need help saying goodbye or honoring their loved one.

Remember:
As a helper, your job is not just to see the survivor’s pain—it’s to also notice their strength. Your presence, validation, and compassion can be the life raft they cling to in the storm.