Get yourself out of the way

Practicing Emotional First Aid: Simple, But Not Easy

Emotional First Aid Skills are simple and straightforward.
But practicing them effectively requires something more: the ability to focus entirely on the needs of the survivor—not your own.

As helpers, we bring our values, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, opinions, and personalities to every interaction. These qualities make us unique—but they can also get in the way. One of your greatest challenges as a helper is learning to put your “stuff” aside so that you can truly be there for someone in crisis.

Becoming a Self-Aware Helper

How do you prevent your own personality, beliefs, and needs from interfering with your ability to help?
The answer: Self-awareness.

Every helper brings a history of helping—and of being helped. From those experiences, we form ideas about what “good helping” looks like. These approaches become part of our personal helping style, or helping repertoire. Some are helpful. Others... not so much.

What’s Your Helping Tendency?

Read through the examples below and ask yourself:
Which one(s) feel familiar to me?

The Self-Centered Helper

“I love helping. It makes me feel so good. And I’m really good at it!”

The Professor

“Let me give you some good advice.”

The Super Helper

“I’ll take care of everything.”

The Cheerleader

“Let’s think positively!”

Mr./Ms. Fix-It

“What’s the problem? We’ll take care of this in no time.”

The Saint

“Let us pray.”

The Judge

“How in the world did you let this happen to you?”

The Challenge

Once you recognize your natural helping tendency, your job is to not let it take over.
It’s easy to default to what feels familiar or comforting to you. But effective emotional first aid isn’t about you—it’s about what the survivor needs in that moment.

When in doubt, remember your guiding principle:

Meet the needs of the survivor—not your own.