Helper: Heal Yourself

Self-Care Principles for Helpers

Providing Emotional First Aid to a survivor of tragedy can be stressful and exhausting. Helpers are not effective if they themselves become overwhelmed by the tragedy or the emotional weight of supporting someone in crisis. That’s why it’s essential for helpers to know how to replenish themselves—so they can both return to their own lives and, if appropriate, continue to support the survivor in a healthy, sustainable way.

Know Your Limits

Emotional First Aid is meant to support people in the immediate aftermath of a crisis. It is not intended to address chronic issues such as mental illness or substance abuse. If those concerns arise, it’s important to set boundaries. You can say:

“I’m really glad I was there to support you with [the immediate need], but I don’t feel I’m equipped to help with [the long-term issue].”

Return to Your Normal Routine

After helping a survivor, your everyday routines may be disrupted. As soon as possible, return to the comfort and structure of your regular schedule. Familiar patterns can be grounding and healing.

Engage in Activities You Can Control

Feelings of helplessness are common after providing Emotional First Aid. You can't fix the situation—and that's hard. One way to manage this is by doing tasks you can control:
cleaning, organizing, gardening, walking the dog, or washing the car. These simple acts can restore a sense of agency.

Detach From the Tragic Event

Especially after a high-profile incident, it’s easy to become mentally stuck in the event through constant media exposure. At some point, make the conscious decision to stop following the story. Instead, focus on activities that fully absorb your attention—hiking, painting, reading, or time with loved ones. Let yourself be carried away, even briefly.

Look at the Big Picture

It’s common for helpers to second-guess themselves:

“I should have done more.”
“I wish I had said something differently.”

Remember, many survivors are too overwhelmed to express gratitude—and that’s not a reflection of your impact. Ask yourself:

• What did I do right?

• What would have happened if I hadn’t been there?

You were present. That mattered most.

Recognize the Gifts in Helping

Helping someone through tragedy often brings powerful insight:

• A renewed appreciation for life

• A deeper understanding of human resilience

• A reminder of what (and who) really matters

Act on these insights. Hug your children. Take the trip you’ve postponed. Install the smoke detector. Let the experience guide you toward greater meaning.

Reclaim a Sense of Safety

Sometimes, a tragic event can shake your personal sense of security—especially if it feels “close to home.” If the tragedy involved a car crash, you may worry more while driving. If it involved a break-in, you may feel uneasy at night.

Take concrete steps to restore your sense of safety—review your safety plans, install that home alarm, or talk to a trusted friend.

Care for Your Body

Stress lives in the body. Support your physical well-being by:

• Getting regular exercise

• Eating nourishing foods

• Avoiding alcohol and substances

• Getting enough sleep

In Summary

Providing Emotional First Aid is often an uplifting and meaningful experience. But depending on the nature of the tragedy—how sudden, how personal, or how familiar—it can also take a toll. You may feel sadness, fear, anger, or helplessness.

In these moments, pause and care for yourself. The simple practices above can restore your balance—so you can continue to show up for others, and for yourself.