Follow Up With Survivors

Staying Connected When the Initial Crisis Has Passed

In the immediate aftermath of a tragedy, survivors are often surrounded by care and attention. But in the days and weeks that follow, that support can fade. Many survivors report feeling abandoned just when the emotional weight begins to set in.

The most common reason helpers disappear? Helplessness.
They don’t follow up because they don’t know what to say or do. But your continued presence can be deeply healing—even if you feel unsure.

How to Follow Up With a Survivor

1. Acknowledge Helplessness—Then Reach Out Anyway

Feeling helpless is natural. Don’t let it stop you from following up.

“I wasn’t sure what to say, but I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”

2. Take the Initiative

Be specific. Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” offer a concrete plan:

“Can I bring you coffee tomorrow around 9:00?”
“Would you like to take a short walk next Monday?”

What to Do During a Follow-Up Visit

Practice Emotional First Aid

• Ask: “How are you doing now? It’s been two weeks since John passed.”

• Listen quietly.

• Validate what the survivor shares:

  “It sounds like it still doesn’t feel real.”
  “It seems like your family is being very supportive.”

Ask Gentle Questions

“How did your children respond when you told them?”
“When I left yesterday, you were waiting for him to arrive—did he make it okay?”

Invite the Survivor to Reminisce

“You and Bob went to Europe last month—do you have photos?”
“How long were you and Bob married?”

Normalize the Grieving Process

“It’s completely normal to still feel numb.”
“You and your husband may grieve differently—and that’s okay.”

Offer Empathy

“I’m truly sorry for your loss of Bob.”

Provide Practical Support

Sometimes the most helpful thing is something simple and tangible. Consider:

• Providing a ride

• Helping with errands or paperwork

• Preparing a meal

• Assisting with a garage sale or other logistics

Help the Survivor Connect to Ongoing Support

Survivors often want professional or peer support but don’t know where to begin—or don’t have the energy to look. You can help by gently offering suggestions and helping locate resources.

Possible Referral Sources:

• Family doctor – often a helpful starting point

• Former counselor – if the survivor had a positive experience in the past

• Hospital social workers or chaplains – great for written materials and referrals

• Victim-witness programs – available through most police departments

• Hospices – often offer grief support resources

• National organizations – such as AARP, Compassionate Friends, Survivors of Suicide

• United Way or Volunteer Centers – local directories for support services

• Red Cross – offers post-crisis information and referrals

Form a Helping Partnership

Don’t take over. Don’t walk away.
Offer to research services (gather phone numbers, costs, descriptions), then encourage the survivor to make the calls when they feel ready. Let them remain in control.

Final Thoughts

• Healing takes time—sometimes a lifetime. Be patient.

• Avoid